The Damage Already Done
by Heath07
Summary: Series of connected drabbles, with some pieces missing. Is Veronica going crazy or is Lilly’s killer still out there? Featuring: Veronica, Logan, Wallace, Duncan, Leo, Cassidy, Keith and Lilly


**Title: **The Damage Already Done

**Rating:** PG-13

**Summary: **Series of connected drabbles, with some pieces missing. Is Veronica going crazy or is Lilly's killer still out there? (Featuring: Veronica, Logan, Wallace, Duncan, Leo, Cassidy, Keith and Lilly)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything etc.

* * *

If he were a different person --a better person-- he thinks he could let her go. If he were stronger somehow, he would.

She shoves him, hard. There will be a bruise by last bell. That shouldn't excite him.

"Ah, the bathroom. Seems we've been coming in here a lot since we broke up…gotta tell ya, the activities are not nearly as fun as before, you know, when you had your tongue down my throat and your hand down my pants. Good times. Still, though, we should get a plaque to commemorate our special place." She glares at him, so he continues. "I do have to say, though, without the allure of making out fogging up my brain, it seems a little less hygienic, don't you think?"

She sighs. "I need you to stop this."

"Stop, what?"

"This! I can't—I'm with Duncan. Duncan, you know? Your _best_ friend."

"I don't mind sharing."

"This is all just a game to you, isn't it?"

"No, Monopoly is a game, this here, what's between us, is real and don't deny that you feel it, too."

"Leave me alone."

"I can't," he whispers to the air as the door swings closed. Fuck.

* * *

Veronica looks into the mirror. Is that really her face? Her eyes? Has she always looked so haunted?

"I should haunt you for stealing my boyfriend."

It's like the thought is stolen out of her head. A chill runs down her spine. As long as it's been since she's heard it, she knows that voice. She'd know it anywhere.

"Lilly?"

A haze of gold, like shimmering stars, whispers around her. "Who else? I mean, is anyone this fabulous?" she says with reckless flamboyance, as she flops onto Veronica's bed, rolling her eyes.

Veronica smiles.

"No, just you."

"I know, right?" she agrees, lifting her head. "So why so down?"

"It's nothing," Veronica lies as she inspects the plush carpet under her toes.

Logically, she knows Lilly is dead and that she is just speaking to her subconscious, but it doesn't stop her from trying to hide the conflict warring inside her.

When Veronica looks up, Lilly is standing behind her, her fingers trailing the neckline of her tank top. The spot she's touching feels cold. She watches them in the mirror.

"You know I was kidding, right?" Lilly says, gently, prodding, and then her smile radiates. "Take Logan for a spin if you want. He's a great ride."

Veronica laughs, despite herself.

She sobers.

"What about Duncan? Isn't this how things are supposed to be? I just want things to be normal."

Lilly's eyes are huge and so sad it knocks the wind out of Veronica. "Things will never be normal."

"But he's still my boyfriend."

Lilly's lips turn up into a wicked smile. "Do them both. God, have a little fun, Veronica!"

Veronica whips around, but Lilly is no longer behind her. On the bed, she's posed like a restless thing, ready to pounce. Veronica can't help noticing that there is such deceiving innocence in her eyes.

"You're telling me to cheat on your brother!"

"Relax, Veronica, it's not against the law to like being bad every once in a while. Don't let Duncan's precious feelings get in the way." Her eyes turn dark, her expression guarded. "He's no angel."

Veronica closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

"What do you mean?"

Veronica turns around.

"Lilly?"

She's gone. Her spirit has vanished back into the air, her essence still circling overhead, weighing Veronica down.

There are still so many questions. She needs help to figure out the answers.

* * *

Veronica walks into Duncan's apartment, using the spare key he gave her, instead of knocking. She stops in the doorway, seemingly unable to move. Logan knows she doesn't expect him to be there. It's getting harder and harder for her to avoid him. Everywhere she goes, he manages to find a way to be there, too. The walls are crumbling and little by little, her defenses are weakening. She's going to crack soon. He can feel it in his bones.

"Veronica, nice to see you again," Logan says formally, bowing.

He knows she hates when he acts like this, so he does it just to piss her off.

"Your boyfriend, that's Duncan, in case you can't keep track--I know it's been a very prosperous year for you on that front—was just telling me that he wanted to be Superman when he was a kid. That's what made him join the Neptune Navigator. I suppose that would make you his very own Louise Lane. Isn't that sweet?"

His eyes lock with hers, neither willing to turn away first.

"So, you got tights on under there, man?" Logan says, his attention on Veronica still unwavering.

Duncan laughs. Neither Veronica, nor Logan notice.

"Dude, didn't you used to run around in your underpants with your mother's scarf tied around your neck, calling yourself Captain SpaghettiOs? I think there's little room for you to judge here."

Finally, Veronica seems to snap out of her trance.

"You two are talking now?" she says, pointedly. She doesn't even try to hide the accusatory tone that laces her words.

Duncan looks taken aback.

"Well, ye-"

"What's wrong, Veronica? Oh, wait, let me guess… I bet I know exactly what you're thinking: Have the ex's finally started banding together? Formed a club? How _will_ you regulate all the memberships?"

Duncan purses his lips together and looks between his best friend and his girlfriend. Logan can easily read the struggle in his eyes.

"Logan, come on, man. Quit being a jerk."

"No, you're right, I'm being a jerk. I'll just see myself out."

"Logan, you don't have to go," Duncan says.

"Yeah, I think I do. Wouldn't want to hurt any of Veronica's precious feelings."

He can practically feel Veronica's anger bouncing off of her. It only makes his triumph that much greater.

"No, stay, I'll go," Veronica says, storming out the door, without a look back.

* * *

Lilly's filing her bright red nails. Veronica absently thinks they're the colour of blood.

"Notice how everyone close to Duncan keeps dying? First me, now Meg," she says, flippantly. Golden hair curtains her face as she looks up to smile at Veronica. "I wonder why that is."

Her vision blurs. It takes her a second to realize there are tears in her eyes.

"What are you trying to say? Did Duncan—Is he…" she trails off.

She can't ask. She doesn't want to know the answer.

She'll forget this when she wakes up, but she still has time to sleep.

* * *

The desperation slips off of him in waves. Logan can feel himself getting sucked back in, worse than before. This is it. She's either going to slap him or kiss him. And he wants her so much he thinks he'd welcome either, as long as she touches him.

"This is wrong. You know it is. Don't you have any problems with this?"

"What? We're not doing anything wrong."

"You don't call sneaking around behind your friend's back, wrong?"

"Hell, Veronica," he says, frustrated. "Alert the Pope! There's a Saint in our midst. Why can't this just be what it is without you moralizing it?"

"Because one of us has to."

"Why?"

"Because it's wrong."

"Wrong? You want to know what's wrong? The fact that Lilly's dead, that my father killed her and that my mother killed herself, and they left me alone in this fucking place, and the one good thing in my life—you—left me, too, at the first signs of trouble because you were too scared to admit that you cared. All that's wrong, Veronica. And the fact that I can't go an entire day without being consumed with thoughts of touching you is just as wrong, but I can't stop it. I've tried. I don't even care if Duncan finds out…or if it hurts him. I can't worry about that. So, fine, it's wrong, but I don't care anymore."

"Yes, you do."

Her eyes are sparkling with tears. He knows he has her.

"I don't."

They are drawn together. Their lips inches apart.

"You're such a jerk," she whispers, hoarsely.

He smirks.

"Admit it, you like it better when I'm being an ass. It gets you all hot and bothered."

She reaches up and tugs on the collar of his shirt. "Shut up and kiss me."

* * *

"It was fun, right?"

"It was fun," Veronica agrees, reluctantly.

The truth is all this sneaking around with Logan is exciting. She likes the way it makes her feel invincible. She likes the way they meet in private, on the bluff, at hotels, in the girls' restroom at school, and anywhere else out of the way. They use fake names when they check in to the less remote spots, where they may happen on someone they know, and sometimes their last names are the same. They have no future together—nothing that permanent—but she likes to pretend anyway.

"And it was hot."

"It was hot," she admits, less reluctantly. She likes the way Logan holds her close and fucks her hard. How she doesn't feel guilty until she sees Duncan's face through a crowd.

"Because you were bad and doing the wrong thing."

"I was afraid we were going to get caught."

"You don't know how many times I almost got caught. Could you imagine Celeste's face if word got out that her daughter was anything than perfectly chaste?"

"There would be payouts. A lot of payouts."

"I'm proud of you, Veronica. I knew you had it in you."

* * *

Veronica feels like she's going insane.

She's about to snap.

"What's up, superfly?"

"Hey, Wallace."

"Why so glum?"

"Oh, it's nothing. I-I haven't been sleeping well."

When she sleeps, she dreams of Lilly. She has stopped sleeping.

"Come on now, don't think you can play me like that. Now tell Uncle Wallace what's wrong?"

"Okay, that's…disturbing."

Wallace scrunches up his face, comically. Veronica laughs.

"Yeah, I see your point. So, what's going on?"

"I've just been feeling like everything I do is wrong. I'm just not sure what's happening to me and I hate who I'm becoming."

"Who's that?"

"Lilly."

* * *

"I can't look him in the eye anymore. I'm afraid he'll know."

"You want to tell him."

"Is that so wrong?"

"You can't, Veronica. You don't know what he'll do."

"I have to do something. The guilt is eating me alive."

"Just push it down. Try to live with it. Whatever."

"That's easy for you to say."

"Hey, it worked for me. Duncan can't find out, though. Swear to me, Veronica. I don't

want to see you hurt."

"Duncan would never hurt me."

"You don't know that. I never believed it myself, until…"

"Lilly? Are you saying…?"

"Be careful. Please."

* * *

She pulls back suddenly from Logan's mouth and probing tongue--the taste of herself still stinging her lips.

"I can't be her," she says, panicked.

"Who?"

"You know who. Don't pretend you don't."

His fingers are warm on her skin, still sticky from their earlier activities. They smooth over her body, reigniting the heat between her thighs. It feels like he's burning her. Like her insides are melting together and trying to burst through her pores. There is an awareness in her eyes that was never there before.

And she wants it all to go away.

"Veronica, I have no idea what you're talking about. Honest."

She thinks she might throw up. Is she really saying these things to him?

"Lilly. I'm not her."

He looks shocked and hurt.

Lilly applauds.

"I never asked you to be. God! Is that really what you think? I would never—Wait, what brought this on?"

She stares at him, unblinking.

"Veronica?" he prompts.

"Does she ever come to you?"

"Come to me? What do you mean?"

"Nothing. Forget it."

The seconds tick away loudly in her head. The room feels cold.

"We shouldn't do this anymore."

"Veronica?"

"We shouldn't, but I-I can't stop."

* * *

The world seems to be closing in on her, constricting her. She's slipping out of herself.

Sleep hasn't come to her in a week. Coffee and energy drinks have seen to that. They're not doing the trick anymore. She can feel her eyes growing too heavy to lift up anymore. Her stomach clenches as she gives in.

She hears Lilly laughing and she closes her eyes, sinking into her dreams.

"Do you want to know?"

"Yes," she murmurs, "tell me the truth."

"You already know the truth; you just don't want to see it."

No, no no.

It's a lie.

* * *

She doesn't know how she got here. She doesn't even know where _here_ is. She doesn't know anything anymore.

She wants to blink, to forget.

It's too much. Images swirling in her head like a kaleidoscope of horror shows, haunting her. Lilly kept her word, didn't she?

"Veronica, you okay?"

The voice sounds like it's coming from a far way away. She pulls back into herself, as recognition floats over her in gentle waves.

"Beaver?"

"Yeah, it's me, Cassidy," he confirms. She doesn't miss the slight annoyance in his tone.

"I'm sorry, _Cassidy_," she amends. "What's wrong?"

"I was going to ask you that. Why aren't you wearing any shoes?"

"What? I…" She looks down at her feet. Sure enough, they're bare and scuffed with dirt. "I don't know."

He offers his hand.

"Come on, I'll bring you home."

It feels cold under his shadow. She shivers.

"No, I… There was something I have to do."

He looks uncertain.

"Do you want me to call someone? Your dad? Duncan? Logan?" he asks, softly.

"What! No. No, I'm okay."

He shakes his head, bites his lip. "You don't look okay, Veronica."

"I need you to take me somewhere."

"Yeah, okay, anywhere."

* * *

The sheriff's station is empty. She doesn't bother with the bell, she simply storms through the swinging door and leans heavily against Leo's desk.

"Duncan did it. Duncan killed her."

Leo looks up, startled.

"What? Veronica, what's going on?"

He's on his feet and holding her up before she can even comprehend what's going on.

"Lilly," she says, swallowing past the lump in her throat. "Lilly told me. Duncan was the one that killed her."

"Veronica, no. Aaron Echolls killed her, remember?" Leo soothes, framing her face with his hands. He brushes her damp hair away from her forehead.

"Here, come sit down." Walking her backward, he forces her into a chair. "Stay put. I'm going to get you a glass of water."

She grips his hand, preventing him from leaving.

"I'm not wrong about this," she says, shaking her head. "She told me."

She scrubs at the tears rolling down her cheeks, catching Leo's concerned eye.

"Don't look at me like that," she says, self-consciously. Her eyes dip to the floor. "I know what you're thinking and I'm not crazy."

"I know you're not," he says, hunching down so their eyes meet. "Why don't we call your dad, huh?"

* * *

She comes back to consciousness slowly, tentatively. Her head is pounding and there are stars forming in front of her eyes.

"Honey?"

Her vision doesn't clear immediately. She squints her eyes, trying to raise her hands to touch her father to make sure he's real, but her whole body feels weighted down.

She's so tired.

"Dad? Wha-"

"Shh, don't try to get up," he says, in that soft fatherly way like he used to when she was little and stuck at home with the stomach flu. "You have a fever."

Somewhere she finds the strength to bolt upright. It's a mistake. The only thing keeping her from falling back is adrenaline and her father's strong hands.

"Lamb! I have to talk to Lamb. Dad, Duncan killed Lilly!"

"Sweetheart, you're delirious," he says, pushing her back down. "You collapsed down at the police station. Leo called an ambulance. I think you gave him quite a scare."

Keith sighs.

"He still cares about you a lot, Veronica."

"Leo?"

He nods.

"How's your head?"

"I feel woozy."

"Here's put this on there," he says, indicating the icepack in his hand. "Might make you feel a little better."

"I don't understand. It was all so real."

She licks her dry lips.

"Am I—Am I going crazy?"

"No, honey," he says, gently, smoothing the hair off of her forehead and rocking the ice against her warm cheeks. "You're just tired. Go to sleep. We'll talk about everything in the morning, okay?"

It's not as convincing as she'd like it to be.

She nods, afraid of her own voice betraying her.

She sinks into the mattress and pulls the covers over her head, blinking against the sudden darkness surrounding her.

She feels alone. So cold and alone.

But she doesn't have to be.

"Lilly?" she whispers.

--End--


End file.
